If i come over, it means nothing
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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