cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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