Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
