I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
