Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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