you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
two words: eviction party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
