Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
