Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You pole danced in your parka.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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