Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
