Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
