I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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