i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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