I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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