Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
