she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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