I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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