Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
