I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
