If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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