Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
