So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
