can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
