So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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