it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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