ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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