Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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