6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
