Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
