I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
