he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize