Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
