I want to have your abortion
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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