i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
