He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
