It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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