I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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