you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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