He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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