she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
