you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
