What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
