Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have post one night stand depression
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