piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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