No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
