If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
