you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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