the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he puts the penis in happiness.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We left an ass print on the piano.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
