apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My cat gives me a boner
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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