fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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