did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
