I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
