I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
