When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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