I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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