youre lurking in front of me
barbara walters just said penis...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm passing your future prison.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
