I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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