I wish I could punch you in the face.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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