weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
