I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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