my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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