he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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