Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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