why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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