No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize