my sisters under your porch take her home
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
