She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
