Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
