Apparently you make a good broom.
i barfeds in our rink
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
