I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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