Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
