You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
