What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
