Tell her she can't have a vagina
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
