the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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