Everything about him screamed your future.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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