before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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