So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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