omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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