Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
honey bunches of taint.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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