I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
