absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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