How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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