Got a toothbrush?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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