Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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