I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
