That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
