guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't shave. On purpose
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
