I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
