Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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