so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
