i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
