I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
