1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
