I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
