The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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