Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
